I'm In Love

I know love.
I know what it feels like to be loved by a man.
I have friends who tell me they love me.
I am loved by a Savior.
I love my parents so much it hurts.
I love my in-laws as if they raised me as their own.
I am madly in love with my man.

But on this past Thursday I fell in love with someone else.
This someone introduced me to a love that I have never experienced before.
A love that will go on and on until the day I die.
A love that I knew nothing about until I was scared about this someone's existence.
A love that changed me-for the better.

Its the love of a parent, and sweet baby, I am crazy about you.

Our First Valentine's Day + Memory Verse

This past Monday was our first Valentine's Day together. And I must say that it was wonderful. Though, I have not always been a fan of February 14 throughout the years.

There were the years in which: 

*I was dating a high school lame-o.

*My best girlfriend was my date. Mi Pueblo cheese 

dip and Sonic slushes can cure any heartbreak.

*I spent the day with my parents...the best Valentine's of all.

 They don't buy goobie "I love you" stuff and they get you the 

expensive chocolates. 

* I was miles away from my future husband and cried my way through the horrific day.

But I digress. 

But this year was way different. I have to say that I think that marriage is the best experience ever. (Bear with me single ladies...). I have been falling more and more in love with my man daily. We have ironed out a few wrinkles in our lives and have received several answers to prayers that we have been singing into the Lord's ear. I know that life won't always be dandy, but with this man, I would walk through fire. 

I think I really liked Valentine's Day because for the first time I could be myself. There was no expectation to get all dolled up, go to some fancy restaurant, and buy big fancy gifts. Nope. I wore the same teacher clothes that I wore all day, ate at a local Chinese restaurant, and traded Dinner for Schmucks for a Victoria's Secret gift card. And I fell more in love. Is that even possible? I keep asking myself. 

And as we enjoyed our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, I meditated on my past memory verse. 

Love is patient. Love is kind. 

It is not jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. 

It does not demand it's own way and it keeps no record of wrong doing. 

It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoiced whenever the truth wins out. 

Love never gives up, never loses faith, 

is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love is so many good things. My prayer through my marriage is that others will come to know the Lord just from seeing mine and N's love for each other. 

People, I am just crazy about that man! 

But the better end of the deal is that two men are crazy about me. The man who helps me put meaning to that verse, and the Man who wrote that verse into existence. 

Could I be any more blessed? Be still my beating heart! 

Decide.

You have to decide to love someone. Did you know that? Well you do! Me and N just learned that. I think that we have just exited the stage in which everything was rosey and we were perfectly smitten with each other.

Its over. And while it may return for a short visit every now and again, we better get used to this new stage in our marriage together. In our love together. In our lives together.

The stage titled: Decide.

This past week, well not this one but the last, me and N had the worst fight ever. Now while I am in no way, shape, or form proud to admit that we are not perfect what we seem, I admit it because, well, we aren't what we seem. We have both always prided ourselves in the fact that we get along so easy. We never argue or even tiff. We just jive together. Its so natural.

But not last week. We tiffed, argued,  ok, so we flat out fought. It was not pretty to see. We were both so ugly and we were down right mean to each other. And we did what we were always told not to to-we went to bed mad. Bad mistake. Bad, bad mistake. The next morning we woke up and the tension was rough. It wasn't as sharp as the night before but it had time to stew and simmer and marinate. And it was gross.

All day we ignored each other through text. When I got home we acted like everything was normal, but the tension between us said otherwise. And then the best part of marriage happened...

We went to bed. And while I laid beside the man I fell in love with acting as if everything was OK, he reached over and touched my skin.

I melted. It was as if I was stone turned liquid under his touch. I began to cry and pour my heart and all of my feeling out. I was very vulnerable. As good as it is sometimes to spill all that you feel, it can be embarrassing. And thats when he said it. The thing that I will cling to until death do I part...

Love is a decision. 

I have never thought about that before. I knew up until that week that I was so deep in puppy love that he was everything to me, but I don't think I ever had to decide to love before. But after he said it and I gave it a minutes thought, I knew that he was so right. If we were going to make this marriage work we are going to have to decide to love each other. After the I Do's and butter creme cake, love is different. It is walking hand and hand through the tough. Through the ugly. Through the gross. And through the decisions. The biggest of which being deciding to love each other.

And I would be a fool to have a lesson like this happen in my life and not thank my Sweet Jesus for deciding to love me. He didn't have to cover my sins on that cross, and He doesn't have to bathe me in grace daily. But He does. He chooses to love me. Just like the sweet man does that I married on that cloudy March day.