Cured

Thanks to this little man and his unbelievable cuteness, baby fever is cured. For now. Amen.

I know I forgot to tell my maybe 2 followers that me and N added to our new family in April. We bought this little guy and his name is Oliver and he is the wild man of the house. So thanks be to him who has cured my fever.

I Want A Baby

I know. Before you start lecturing about how we should wait and we just got married and we can't afford a family and its crazy to think that we could support a baby right now... know that this is my blog and I can write what I want to write.

Above any and all other things in my life, I have always known that I wanted to be a mom. I feel called to be a mom. I think that I will be good at being a mom.

For some reason lately I have felt bad. I have had indigestion, a lower back ache, headaches, and even nausia. One morning before work I had to run to the bathroom for fear of loosing my cookies.

So naturally I thought to myself, "Oh good gravy, I do believe these are all symptoms that I have heard other women talk about while they were pregnant."

So I did what all women do when they get the pregnant thought in their head-I got my husband to go to the store and get a pregnancy test.

I took it. And it was negative. I wiped a few tears from my eyes and came out of the bathroom acting as if a test had never entered my house. But my heart ached. No baby. For me. Now.


So the next day we went to a church function and someone came up to me and asked if I was pregnant. My heart told me to say, "Nope. Just fat." But what I really said was, "Ha! No, why?"

He proceeded to say that he overheard me and some of the other guests talking about babies and thought that I may have told that I was preggers.

I explained the situation with a smile on my face but I was trying to cover up the fact that I felt like I had just been hit in the gut with a baseball bat.

Its not easy wanting a baby so bad but having to tell others that one does not exist.

I know that the time will come, I know this. But I want a baby. And I want one now.


And end pity party Now.

There is so much to say...

And I don't even know where to begin.

So I will start with the only thing I do know,
and that is that I have one amazing husband. In a world that is ever changing, he is my one constant.

Where we were, we will call it 'O', some things happened in a church that should never happen. The leadership was wavering and hypocritical. It was hard to see God work in a church when the right people wanted the wrong things.

So me and N began to look for a way out. We forced some things and spent all our energy on wasted desires.

But we knew all along that without God's blessing and will we would get no where.
So we surrendered. We threw our hands up and said, "Ok God. We will stay here. We will do our best to mend the issues here, and we will be joyful about it. I said joyful-not happy."

And thats when it happened. God opened every single door that we were trying to open ourselves. It was amazing to see. He wanted the same things for us that we wanted-He just wanted to be the One to make it happen.

You see, if we had succeeded with OUR plan then we would have failed. We would have given ourselves the credit and somewhere down deep we would have forgotten to rely on Him. But the instant that we gave the reigns back to him, He provided all. Man, we serve a good good God.

So His plan for our lives right now involved moving to a city we will call 'M'. Its in Tennessee and its the home of all things Elvis.

N is still a youth minister but in a totally different venue than we left.

And I, I am a teacher. I teach high schoolers and I teach them math and english. Its a joy.

So that is where we are. We are doing our best to navigate life as newlyweds in an everchanging world. But praise sweet Jesus that He gave me a man that is constant. Never swerving. Focused on His will. And patient and forgiving.

He, N, is the second thing that has kept me happy during all this. And because my sweet savior decided to show us His will for us, He is the first thing.