I Want A Baby

I know. Before you start lecturing about how we should wait and we just got married and we can't afford a family and its crazy to think that we could support a baby right now... know that this is my blog and I can write what I want to write.

Above any and all other things in my life, I have always known that I wanted to be a mom. I feel called to be a mom. I think that I will be good at being a mom.

For some reason lately I have felt bad. I have had indigestion, a lower back ache, headaches, and even nausia. One morning before work I had to run to the bathroom for fear of loosing my cookies.

So naturally I thought to myself, "Oh good gravy, I do believe these are all symptoms that I have heard other women talk about while they were pregnant."

So I did what all women do when they get the pregnant thought in their head-I got my husband to go to the store and get a pregnancy test.

I took it. And it was negative. I wiped a few tears from my eyes and came out of the bathroom acting as if a test had never entered my house. But my heart ached. No baby. For me. Now.


So the next day we went to a church function and someone came up to me and asked if I was pregnant. My heart told me to say, "Nope. Just fat." But what I really said was, "Ha! No, why?"

He proceeded to say that he overheard me and some of the other guests talking about babies and thought that I may have told that I was preggers.

I explained the situation with a smile on my face but I was trying to cover up the fact that I felt like I had just been hit in the gut with a baseball bat.

Its not easy wanting a baby so bad but having to tell others that one does not exist.

I know that the time will come, I know this. But I want a baby. And I want one now.


And end pity party Now.