This Is The Story- Part 1

The Story.

The one that I have been living out for the last 5 months. The one that I have been dreading reluctant to write because if I write it that means that it really happened.

It did. And I am just now healed enough to tell about it.

Its like the story ended, died rather, in March but it wasn't cold yet. In every aspect of the system it was over-dead and buried. But in my heart, it was still warm. The last remnants of the heart beat were still there. The nerves were still twitching, and I was still mourning over the loss that I had experienced.

The loss of my old life.

It happened on February 13, 2011 and my life was changed forever.

A few weeks before I was struggling in my life in finding my identity. I mentioned it here.  I prayed that the Lord would help me find my identity-and when you pray earnestly, He answers.

I was at Wal-Mart after school doing stuff for a purchase order when Nathan called me. I answered and he sounded frantic. He said, "Whitney, I fell with Camden." I could hear the baby crying in the background, but for some reason I wasn't panicked. I am always panicked when it comes to the baby, but not this time. I could hear the Lord say, "I am with you." So I stayed calm. I reassured Nathan that he was probably ok and just a little scared.

Nathan's voiced said differently. I told Nate to head to the hospital and I would meet him there. He said ok. At home, Nathan got the car seat and was putting Camden in. He called his mom in the meantime to see what she would do. During the conversation Camden stopped breathing.

He hung up with her and called 911. Within 5 minutes the paramedics were at our house. At this point, I am still frantically making my way from Southaven to Memphis. Nathan and Camden are taken to a hospital in a different city.

In what seemed like forever I was there. The boys were in a small triage room. I saw Nate first from the window and his face held the look of hurt. He had accidentally hurt our baby and he hurt because of it. I walked in and asked to hold Camden. Nathan passed him to me and he screamed. I held him tight and whispered in his little ear, "Mama's here, baby. Mama's here. Rest in Jesus. Rest in Jesus." I began praying over his little body. After I spend some time with my boy I looked up to the chaos going on around me. A nurse and 2 paramedics were also in the room taking notes. I looked at Nathan and told him that I loved him and that we would all be ok and would soon be on our way. Little did I know that we weren't going home that night because it was worse than we thought.

Nathan and Camden were taken for an X-Ray and I waited not-so-patiently in the room. I could hear Camden crying from where I was, but I couldn't see a thing. I prayed and updated family by text while I waited. About 20 minutes later, Nathan, Camden and the nurse came back to the room. Their faces were solemn. I asked what it was.

Broken ribs. 4 broken ribs. My baby, my 4 month old, had 4 broken ribs. Broken.

And thats where I became broken. The nurse handed Cam to me and told me how to hold him. I did as I was told and I felt what I thought was congestion as he breathed. I told the nurse that that was not there before. She looked at me and as kind as she could she said, "No, those are his ribs cracking."

I lost it. I wailed out loud and fell into my husbands chest. He held me and I cried harder and louder than I had ever cried before. I felt like I was going to pass out so I handed the baby to Nate and sat on the hospital bed. All I could do was pray. The Lord was the only thing I had to cling to.

I found it. My identity. He was my identity. Because when your baby has broken ribs and they are cracking every time he breathes, you have nothing else to hold on to.

From this point, they gave Camden an IV and were were transported to LeBonheur Children's Hospital. I cried the whole trip and wondered why they didn't have the sirens and lights on. This was an emergency people. And my baby deserves lights and sirens. But the only thing I heard was Camden crying from the stretcher in the back while 4 strangers tried to soothe him. Its hard to be a mom and have to sit by watching other people soothe your baby with broken ribs and you have to simply sit in the passenger seat.

I clung to Jesus and prayed. It was all I could do. "Jesus, since I can't right now, please hold my baby. Heal the hurt and speak to him. Let him know that you are holding him."

After what could have been forever, we arrived and were taken in. We were met by a team of people and were taken to a room.

There began our stay for the next 4 nights.

While in this room, I asked Nathan to explain to me what happened. Up until this point all I knew was that they fell. But there were more details. Not big details-just more that made it all make more sense.

To be continued...