You? Me?

So tonight I am alone in my appartment. Its not unusual. Well I am usually not alone but often thats how I feel. But thats neither here nor there. But the quiet and solitude has gotten my mind to turning. And as I was fighting the screaming thoughts in my head, I just couldn't keep them in. I began to think...

Who are we? I mean...who am I? I know I am a college student, a daughter, a sister, and a lover of the Lord. But am I really who I want to be. I hope that its not just me but I have always had these dreams of who I wanted to be when I grew up. Well my 21st birthday is next month so I think that "grown-up" is a matter or weeks away and I am not at all who I always pictured myself as being. Some of my grown up dreams have come true and some I can't even see in the future.

So as I ponder I just think... Am I becoming who the Lord is making me to be? Or I am fighting His will and becoming the world?

Television and media has warped my mind into thinking that I need to be so many things and for so long I have strived for them. Now that I can just sit and let be, I can see that none of that matters. I think I am more afraid of going another day not being "grown up" in my faith then actually growing up. There is no way that I am going to face all that lies ahead without a solid foundation in the Lord.

So I pray with all conviction being laid out on the table that I would strive. Strive to push away all desires to be grown up in my fantasy world and instead run with a passion to grow up in a relationship with the only one that matters. The one title I have that secures my "grown up-ness" is saved. Thats me. Mature or naive. Sinner or saint. Thats me...saved.

And what a wonderful name to wear.