Band-Aids

So Me and N have had to deal with some brand new, unexpected discussions that have been pushed aside for a while. I wasn't prepared for any of them and it almost let us down the road to ruin. It was rather scary if I can be completely honest. I mean, we had to have big girl, big boy discussions and adult decisions had to be made. We had to plan for each other and talk about some changes that needed to be made.

And we ultimately decided that if we don't start cherishing this relationship precious, undeserved gift that Jesus gave us then He is going to take it back. We don't want that to happen so we promised each other to take care of it more. I think that's a pretty good decision. You?

We went for a walk today and we were talking about the long, sad days spent apart longing to be closer to each other otherwise known as distance. I have come to despise that word. I knew he would be leaving in a matter of minutes and I was sad. I made the comment that us leaving each other is like a pulling off a band-aid. The longer and slower the leaving process takes (saying goodbye, sapping over other, etc.) the more the whole idea and process actually hurts. But the faster it gets done, the less time I have to think about how much it hurts.

We have learned that that's what has to be done. Give the heart one fast tug and it over. It still hurts but its not as bad. The sting doesn't linger.

That's my mind tonight. And instead of ripping the band-aids off my heart, I think I'll go and put some on it…just to make the boo-boo distance hurt a little less.

W.

A flower for me...

So let me count my blessings....

1. I have the absolute cutest family in the whole wide world. See...just look at 'em.

I pray that me and my husband are atill this happy and in love after 50 years! SO precious.

2. I have been given the priviledge of working with theses adorable children. What did I do to deserve this?

3. This sweet little thing belongs to me. Her name is flower and I have never been so fond of anything. As I write, she is is crawling all over me and the keyboard. She follows my every step and loves to cuddle. We took a nap together today, just to try it out of course. Needless to say, I am smitten.

Shooting Stars

Tonight I walked out onto my balcony and I had a wandering mind. Its been a battle between my heart and my brain lately. I am confused and hurt about some things. I am happy and exhausted. Its been hard here, in this body of mine.

I do, though, feel like I am about to dismount from the hardest routine of my life. And my mind begins to wander again. Is the dismount going to be harder than the routine? Or did the routine prepare my body, heart, and mind to approach it with grace and skill? Do I have the energy to land with my feet together, stand tall, then look at my Coach and hear the words, "Well Done."

So as I was looking up into a blanketed sky, longing to hear the slightest whisper of those words, I began to beg to see a shooting star. Maybe I just wanted a sign in the midst of this turmoil that I am being watched by the One who matters. That I am being taken care of. That I am going to make it.

I looked and looked and looked. Nothing.

I closed my eyes and like a 5 year old girl putting the faith of her foolish wishes in false hope, I slowly opened them thinking that just because I wanted to see something I was going to. Nothing.

Then I looked down. And my eyes stayed down for some time. And then it hit me. How in the world am I ever going to see a shooting star, a love last for a lifetime, or even the face of Savior if my head is down. Defeated.

So I don't feel like I have the energy to keep my head up. I don't feel like I have the hope to keep my head up. I don't feel like I have the desire to keep my head up.

I just want to see a shooting star. Or hear a whisper. I need to sense something.

Father, hold my head up for me when the weight of the world is directing my eyes down. I beg of you.

Peace.

I hear you. And I have been listening. I hate that you have this power over me. I hate that I let you. I want you to just be quiet. This tug-o-war inside my soul is driving me crazy. I cant even rationalize one single thought because of YOU. And you are loving it. I am not. And you are loving that. Why do you find joy in tormenting me? You sick, evil one.



Dear child. Just listen to me. I am the only voice that means anything. All others will tell you that they are right. Don't listen to them. Look at me. Really look. Look with the eyes of your heart. The ones who know the decision you need to make. You know the decision you need to make. Is all this worth it? Are the harsh words towards each other worth it?



I want to listen to Him. Not you. So back off. You hear what he is telling me? He is saying that he is the only one who matters. So you have won me over in the past. Not this time. This time the decision that needs to be made affects the one I am in love with. The one that He planned for me to be with. And there is nothing that love can't conquer. I am done listening to you.



Father. I don't understand why it is such a big deal. Don't I show you enough with my works. Now its a rule that I show you in a ceremonious tradition. Is that what this is all about? I feel like out of no where, this faith that was freeing and full of hope has been loaded down with the weight of a sign that says "Beware, Strings Attatched." Its like to them I don't truly love You unless I show them in the way that they want me to. I hate that. And I don't want to be a part of that.

Muhahahaha. You are listening to me. My diabloical scheme is working. All those strings...I placed them there. They can be cut. But if I continue to have it my way then you won't be able to see the light of the scissors for all the pain and confusion and worry that I will show you. Little girl. Don't listen to those people. That boy doesnt mean that much to you. Its not worth the heartache. Just listen to me, do what I say, and noone will even know this all happened. Besides, is your pride really worth saking for a bunch of people who have to have you prove something to them? No. Didn't think so.

I have had enough. Listen to me. Again, look at me. Its not for them. It is for me. It if were for nothing would I have done it? I lived exactly as I want you to live. It is not foolish. Stop listening to him. And when you feel ashamed just look into my face. I am there. It is me and you. It is not a bunch of eyes looking at you. It is me and you. And the man you love. Are we worth it to you? Show me with your actions. Be faithful child. Whitney Nicole Rodgers, I am always faithful to you. Will you be faithful when the time comes. Little One, I believe in you. Look into my face. Let me wash it all away and raise you up with me. No strings attatched. Remember that time on the cross, I cut those all away. Now be free. In me.

I believe. And I promise I will listen. Let me feel you every step of the way. He is worth it. And ultimately you were embarassed for me in front of millions for me. No one supporting you. No one on your side. I am joining faithful ones. With support and open arms. YOU ARE WORTH IT. I am sorry it has taken all this to get it across to me. Forgive me.

The tomb is EMPTY!

There has never been news quite like that.

Not only did the Lord care enough about us that he would take a terrible beating for us. He hung on a horrifying cross for us. And He boar the most harsh words that man could muster up. But His love did not stop there.

And thats where the real story begins.

HE ROSE AGAIN.

No other "religious leader" still lives today. Budda, Muhamad, Allah....Not a one of them still lives today. And as the song puts it best, "You ask me how I know He lives, He lives within my heart."

Thats right. Jesus Christ didn't let the tomb be the end of the story. He rose again, returning to his perfect state with God. But yet, it did not stop there.

He then cared enough about us to send his Holy Spirit. Therefore, we have Him with us wherever we go.

That's Love. And it feels good to be loved by the one who made love.

Hi. Its me.

For all you dedicated readers out there (Ash thats probably just you...Rach you out there?) I have started a new blog.

The idea came from the awesome DNOW that was mentioned down there. I wanted to give my girls a place that they could come and voice their opinions about things in a loving way.

So far there has been NO hits. SO SO sad. But I am praying that the Lord is going to work through it. Yea, so its just a blog. But if God can use little ole me then He can certainly He can use the WORLD WIDE WEB!

SO go check it out.

Let me know what you think.

Loves.

W.