Decide.

You have to decide to love someone. Did you know that? Well you do! Me and N just learned that. I think that we have just exited the stage in which everything was rosey and we were perfectly smitten with each other.

Its over. And while it may return for a short visit every now and again, we better get used to this new stage in our marriage together. In our love together. In our lives together.

The stage titled: Decide.

This past week, well not this one but the last, me and N had the worst fight ever. Now while I am in no way, shape, or form proud to admit that we are not perfect what we seem, I admit it because, well, we aren't what we seem. We have both always prided ourselves in the fact that we get along so easy. We never argue or even tiff. We just jive together. Its so natural.

But not last week. We tiffed, argued,  ok, so we flat out fought. It was not pretty to see. We were both so ugly and we were down right mean to each other. And we did what we were always told not to to-we went to bed mad. Bad mistake. Bad, bad mistake. The next morning we woke up and the tension was rough. It wasn't as sharp as the night before but it had time to stew and simmer and marinate. And it was gross.

All day we ignored each other through text. When I got home we acted like everything was normal, but the tension between us said otherwise. And then the best part of marriage happened...

We went to bed. And while I laid beside the man I fell in love with acting as if everything was OK, he reached over and touched my skin.

I melted. It was as if I was stone turned liquid under his touch. I began to cry and pour my heart and all of my feeling out. I was very vulnerable. As good as it is sometimes to spill all that you feel, it can be embarrassing. And thats when he said it. The thing that I will cling to until death do I part...

Love is a decision. 

I have never thought about that before. I knew up until that week that I was so deep in puppy love that he was everything to me, but I don't think I ever had to decide to love before. But after he said it and I gave it a minutes thought, I knew that he was so right. If we were going to make this marriage work we are going to have to decide to love each other. After the I Do's and butter creme cake, love is different. It is walking hand and hand through the tough. Through the ugly. Through the gross. And through the decisions. The biggest of which being deciding to love each other.

And I would be a fool to have a lesson like this happen in my life and not thank my Sweet Jesus for deciding to love me. He didn't have to cover my sins on that cross, and He doesn't have to bathe me in grace daily. But He does. He chooses to love me. Just like the sweet man does that I married on that cloudy March day.