I have issues...

Major Major Money Issues!!!

I am not going to spill all the detail about it because for 1. its rather embarassing and for 2. its too heart breaking to write.

But here it is...they say the first step to recovery is admittance right? Well you can get it here first people...I admit I have a problem spending money. And when I spend I can't ever keep track of it.

You know those little books that you can get at the bank to write all your transactions on? Yea well to me those are just space fillers in a wallet. I don't have the self-discipline to write what I spend and then subtract it from the previos balance.

I don't even think that Dave Ramsey could help me...besides I couldn't afford to buy one of his books right now.

Please pray. I'd pay you to throw one up for me... but you know, thats not happeing.

18th Times The Charm.

Or Not. So I just give up.

I got on here to blog. To write something that you would read and think man she is a good writer. To express a little of what I feel.

I have started atlease 18 bligs and deleted them all. I have nothing profound to say. I want to but its all hidden in my heart so tightly that I can't find the words to let it out.

So this is the blog update that you get.

Sorry it stunk.

When Does It End?

This slump.

This loneliness.

This bitterness.

I am so desperate for a break. I tell girls all the time that we come to Christ while we are sinners. Not after we get our act together. But thats easier said than done I am reminded.

I feel like I have nothing to offer God and as I look back on my relationship with Him I get an overwhelming feeling that the majority of our relationship has been this way.

Now when I feel Him, I totally feel Him. But when I don't, I curl up into a ball of self-pity and return to sin. Sin that Satan won't let me forget. Or break the chains of. Sin that looks so good.

And I am so overwhelmed with other things to do than read my word. Or pray. Satan you are good at what you do. You have won again.

And then the enemy slaps me in the face with the fact that I am getting married in less than 8 months. I am going to be a terrible wife. I cause N to stumble when I should be encouraging him and building him up. I am a hinderance to his minstry. He feels guilt and shame that wouldn't be in existence if I weren't in the picture.

How long will I feel like this? How long will I continue to try to get right before I get on my knees? How long will Satan sink his teeth in me?

How long will God hide his face from me? Or am I hiding it from Him?

When does it end?

Good News!

This may only excite me, N, and maybe Danny and Rach (only because you guys understand the ministry!) so here it is...

We are getting our very own youth home!

And we are so excited. What does this mean you ask? Well I will be happy to tell you. It means that we are no longer in the fellowship hall when it is open on Wednesday nights and that tiny Sunday School room when its not. It means that the youth finally have a place to call all their own anytime they need to get away.

Here is how it happened...and if you dont think that its a total God thing....you must be crazy.

The night that we had our most moving night as a youth group at camp we got a call from the preacher man. He said that 2 men in the church had come together and agreed to pay for the whole thing. The house already exists...right next door to the parsonage. But the inside is

Nas-TEE! So one man said he would pay for all the sonstruction and the other said he would pay for supplies. Supplies that include a 24 hour security camera system so when me and N arent there we can still keep a watch on them over the internet! Fancy Schmancy!

The idea of the youth home went before the deacons and then the church and it approved with flying colors. God is too good to us.

So what do you think about this idea...I think we should call it the Y.A.C= Youth Activities Center and he shall be our logo!

I think he is darling! HeHe. So praise the Lord with me. He is still faithful to answer prayers. Of course.

W.

My Fantasy Wedding.

So I am doing this for my own good. Just to get some of my own ideas out so 1.) I won't forget them 2.) I can look back one day and laugh at how silly some of my ideas were.

Enjoy. This is the fantasy wedding of the future Mrs. Whitney Russell.

It all starts with the dress right? Right! So if I were to pick I would pick something similar to this one:

Its fun, its funky, but its got class. And it totally screams princess!

Next on the list...My man. Let me show you how I want to dress my beau:

Isn't he handsome. I mean the suit. Isn't the suit handsome!

Up next: Flowers! This is my flower of choice!

I may add some white roses...but not too many. There are so cliche' to me.

Now...for the ladies we have something like this. (Ashley...this is just a rough idea!)

What do you guys think? Disclaimer: If you are a member of my wedding you will be required to get a faded looking tattoo on your upper left shoulder. HA! Just kidding. We will be looking at something more like this:

I think this is just presh! I would want it in a little darker blue though.

**Sidenote: I am not the world's biggest fan of the color blue. BUT, since mine and Nathan's birthstones are both in the blue family it just seemed appropriate to use the color. I think we will make it work.

And now for the reception:

We want to achieve this look. Without the tent. Or the fancy schmancy tables. Or the massive center pieces. SO after you take all that away you have a bunch of paper lanterns left. And thats what I want.

And when I leave my reception:

Oh I just love the way this looks. Note to self: Take a darling picture like this.

So thats it in a nutshell. Hope you enjoyed. And hope to see you at the wedding. Maybe it will look something like I have planned!!!

Im Back...and Bigger and Better Than Ever!

Ok. So that may not be totally true but I am back and I have lots to fill you in on.



Where shall I begin?



First things first, wedding planning is going. And thats about all I can say. I have dreamed about my wedding all my life and now that its here and I get to plan every single small detail I dont want to do it anymore. Can I just elope? I am getting so frustrated at what people charge just because they can on things that you will only use once. I am getting to the point where I just want a small simple wedding where noone expects favors, or food, or fun. Nah Im totally just kidding. I am loving it. But it does take alot out of a girl. Especially when the Best is in a different state and wont be back for 27 more days. But whos counting?



Next on the list, Youth Stuff. Can I just say that I can not believe I am going to be in the minstry for the rest of my life. Half the time I am too excited to contain myself and the other times I am wondering what God is thinking. I just dont think that I am the right girl for this gig. But I keep reminding myself that the God who gave me this gig only wanted this girl in it. And for that I am thankful.



So this past week me and N took our 47 kiddos to StudentLife youth camp. It was my first year to go and I was blown away. We did mission camp and I got a taste of what the Best is doing everyday for her Lord. We loved on kids at low income appartments and trailor parks who hadn't bathed or eathen since Lord knows when. It was heart breaking. And then we saw the faces of children who were probably being beaten. The sadness in their hearts was unbearable. I dont know who the Lord handles the sadness.



Sunday night at camp was the best time that the youth has ever experienced as a whole. 2 of our youth accepted Christ and one was a long time coming. He had fought it longer than anyone could possibly fight the call of God and he surrendered his life to Christ. One of my girls also accapted Christ into her heart. It was beautiful. So me and N took the two of them into the hall and talked about what salvation meant. And then I heard sobbing. Loud and uncontrollable sobbing. It was N. The man of my dreams. Me and Mo finished praying and I took her back into worship. On the way in I glance at N and he is weeping for this boy. Talk about love for another.



Then it was family group time. As one youth group we went into a room and shared what God was doing. N couldn't hold himself together. I think I fell in love with him all over again. To see a man broken in front of his youth at the sight of the Lord saving souls is precious. Then there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Every kid and adult was in tears and they shared about struggles they had, praises they had and everything in between. I was in awe of the work of the Lord.

The rest of the week went like this...lots more tears, one more life given to the Lord, too many laughs to count and a trip down the Ocoee. It was a blast. We don't deserve the fun God allowed us to have.

We all had plans to come home and just live for the Lord. The kids were hyped up about what they learned and the experience they had. But Satan had other plans. The day before we came home several of the kids started saying that they didn't feel good. Well we just assumed that we were all tired and a little R & R would fix all their aches and pains. Well apparently it was a little more serious than just some muscle pains from taiming the Ocoee.

All their aches and pains were due to a contagious case of the Swine Flu. Thats right people. Our youth group is a victim of the pig. As of today we have 7 confirmed cases and counting. Some of our kids have strep and one has tonsilitis. I say its the enemy. He knows we were going to come back and do some amazing things so he is using illness to try to stop us. Well Satan you are going to have to find a different group. This is isn't going to back down.

So thats whats been going on. Its been a wild ride so far this summer and I have a feeling its only going to get better.

Until next time.

W.